Arsenic Culture
Welcome to Arsenic Culture, a podcast and video covering hard to get items where we tell you if they're worth the trouble and cost of tracking them down. Co-hosted by Matt and Jason.
Arsenic Culture
Barrel-Aged Malört: Why Does This Exist? | Review
We finally did it, we cracked open a bottle of barrel-aged Malört, which might be the most cursed idea in drinking history.
Matt, Jason, and Drew put their taste buds (and mental health) on the line to see whether aging Malört in oak barrels improves it… or just gives it more time to absorb evil.
We break down the nose, the palate, the trauma, the Chicago lore, and whether Malört actually changes once it spends time in wood. Spoiler: it’s still Malört. Very much Malört. Aggressively Malört.
Laugh with us. Cry with us. Pray for us.
#malort #chicagodrinks #whiskeyreview
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Five 70 proof, 5 30, 5 70 proof. Oh, I think it is 70, 70%. It drinks above, so the nose is like lemon and shame. I get some regrets right now. Yeah. Welcome back to Arsenic Culture. I'm Matt. I'm Jason I'm Drew and we're doing a review today. Um, Jason normally intros these reviews, but I'm doing this one because fuck Jason. This is a little barrel aged malort action. I'm so excited for this. Yeah. Yeah. I can see it. I can. Nice. I can see And wait to try this one, Matt. Great, great choice. Yeah. Have you ever had malort before? Uh, reluctantly. Yeah, multiple times. Thankfully Chicago. Thankfully not. Thankfully. Yes. Yeah. Um, did you know that they do multiple different types of barrel age malort? I did not. They do like a Scotch one. Oh god. Um, some of the old barrel age ones, you're, you're selling it, Matt. I know some of the old barrel age ones. I think they did like rum. No. Why would you do a Scotch Barrel? Age mo? That's, that's like the two worst things you could put together. It's like pd, PD Moore. If there's anything that can make malort worse, it's like adding peak to it. You're, you're not making it better for sure by that. So like, sorry. But for anybody that's had malort, this is, uh, notorious as being some of the shittiest liquor that you can get. A lot of people will prank, uh, their friends with it by offering them, uh, to, uh, a shot, a congratulatory. For being an asshole. Um, their whole marketing campaign is targeted around just being a shitty product and a smart ass with it. Yeah. It's like more embrace. Tonight's the night you fight your dad. So that's like part of their like shtick. It's also the bartender's handshake. Yeah. When people, if you know, you're in the industry kind of thing. It's that And what's the other one? Uh, for Nat. Fette. Yeah. And f that's a Chicago thing too, right? Like, I mean, not originally Chicago, but I think it's bigger there than anywhere else. Yeah, they, they embraced it there. Yeah, so F Net's something that I came around to, so, but I was really interested in trying the barrel age version. Supposedly it's better than regular, so the bar is. Very low. Unbelievable one. Um, the bar's lower than my shoes. Right, right. Yeah. The problem is there's not a lot of information on barrel aged mall lords, um, mall. That's a shock. Yeah. Mallor itself dates back to the 1930s, I believe. Yeah. Um, was people had no taste. Buds started in Chicago, left Chicago, came back to Chicago. Is that right? Yeah, maybe. And, and now maybe. Yeah. And, and now it's a Chicago staple. Um. This particular, I think they started doing the barrel age versions in 2020. Look at the sediment in there. Wow. And it's suspended too. It's not like, that's not oak. That's how you know it's good. I know. That's what we say. Said well in between shoots. I love how they have bam in the middle. So that's like barrel age, my Lord. Yeah, that's, that's its, uh, colloquial name is Dan Barrel, you know, but we're making fun of my Lord. So one thing I'll say about Jepson though, the parent company, they make some really good bourbon. They don't make it, but they. They might make it now. They source it. They source it. We did a Dickel one before. We had Dickel and an MGP. Yeah, so some of their MGP barrels are fantastic. I mean, MGP makes some really good shit, dude. I thought that Dickel was pretty good too. Honestly. It was pretty good for Dickel. For Dickel for sure. But I bet the bourbon barrels they used. Were their own bourbon barrels, I'm assuming Probably so it should be a good barrel they used. Yeah. The only thing I could see online is that it was aged between one and five years in bourbon barrels. Makes sense. Yeah. That's literally all it says. So it's also to be savored by two fisted drinkers only. Does anybody here have less than two fists? No. I always keep two glasses just in case. You know, just in case well fucking open it up. Let's go. We've actually got three glasses today. Yeah, yeah. I, we've been doing multiple episodes here, so let's, let's listen to the, let's listen to the pop of the court. Oh, it's, it's a twist off. Oh, okay. Um, so yeah, regular malorte we're probably, it's Jason's savor. Yeah, it's here. I'll, I'll pour your outs for you. No, fuck
Speaker 2:that.
Speaker:Think I'll hold on to mine. I can't even see it in my glass I porch so much. Yeah. The cinnamon is weird though. Like does regular Malo have that kind of sediment in it? Honestly, like regular, more regular Malo. That's hard to say. That is very hard to say. But. What color's the bottle? Like I've never even like the malort bottle, the regular one. I, I got one upstairs. I mean, yeah. I think it's clear too. I don't know. I've never paid attention. I guess when I'm taking a shot of, it's like under, under dur DURs, you usually looking away like, no. Yeah, I'm under duress. Somebody's holding me down. You knows? Yeah. They got a gun under your head. Yeah. Did you show the, like hold the mm-hmm. The sediment to the camera? It's like you, it's hard to see like here, like you have to get it in the light, I think. Yeah. Let get, to kind of see that, like that's not oak. I don't even know if you can see that honestly. But there's, there's so many like ingredients in malorte, a lot of botanicals and stuff in there. Yeah. So it's probably something from that. It's probably nons. Shell filtered, I'm assuming. I don't know. Probably. It's also all over my fucking hands. It makes, I'm just gonna have to like burn a layer layer of skin away. Just look it, it's actually probably burning the skin for you. It is. This is an antiseptic, an antibiotic. Oh, I'm sure it is. What's the proof on this? It say it's not high. It's. 35, 70 proof. It's 35. 35 is gonna be, which I think is what regular malorte is. Okay. So I mean, for all intent it, it tastes much harder. Much harder. I've not had this one, but regular, yeah. 70 proof. Oh, I think is percent. It drinks above, so the nose is like lemon and shame. Did you try, I get, I get some regret right now. Yeah. It's like, um, pine saw lot. There is, there is like, yeah, there's like a disinfectant kind quality. The taste is much better and it's really good. I honestly, I feel like I'm sniffing isopropyl alcohol. Yeah. Yeah. It'd probably be better. I think I prefer isopropyl. Alcohol tastes delicious. I just try. This is the only, yeah, this is the only 35% alcohol thing. You can light on fire. I bet. Well, the good, the good news is this is the last drink of the night.'cause you won't be able to taste anything else. All right. I'm like waiting for y'all to drink. I'm like, I don't do it. I mean, it's better than regular. It is better. So it started out, I was like, okay. And then it just got worse and worse, like as the second, the first two seconds were fine. Then after that it was just, oh, what is that? Is that the wormwood? I don't know what that is. I can't, I don't know. You can't mask that. Who? Who the hell likes this? I mean, this is a funny. Fun thing to have. We, I enjoy experiment with this. Trying I know who, who really likes this? Well, the, the thing John Wayne Gacy this. Yeah. The thing that gets me about mallor. Like if we taste a, or smell and taste a bourbon. Mm-hmm. Right. You can pick up some similar things. Right. Something. Yeah. Yeah. You can't smell this and be like, Hmm, I smell this, and then taste it and be like, yeah, that's what it was. You're like, no. It throws you for a hard left into the guardrails. The nose literally to me is like pine saw, like it's, it's like a pine saw cleaner. Like it's really weird. Yeah. But then it just tastes like being like punched in the dick. Yeah, it does. Like if I could, if I could, yeah, quantify that feeling into a taste, this is what it would be. Yeah. When your kid's swinging the baseball bat and turn around and hit you. Yeah. It hits you nuts. That's what this taste like. This is what it, that's what tastes like. Yeah. You take that sip. And honestly, at first I was like, okay, all right. And then like as the seconds goes on, it gets worse. Your kid, they get the base hit. You're like, oh, good job. Yeah. And they keep coming around and then they hit you in the nut. You're like, oh, you get the tingle in your plums, but it's not the tingle you want. Yeah. Yeah. This is the wrong kind of tingle. Yeah. I can feel it in my plums.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker:All right. So what do you want? Let's give a, oh, Lord, what do wanna do this? Okay. If I'll, I'll go first. Okay. If regular mallor is like. One for me. I know that's high of free. That's high. That's, um, this is 1.75. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna give, give, I'm gonna give regular, my Lord a 0.5 and I'll give this a 1.25. Like, it's about three times as good, but it's still pretty shitty. I mean, that's, it's not, that's actually hilarious. An accurate analogy. Like it's not something, something you're gonna reach for. What do you, what do you think about it, Matt? I think I'm, my vision is starting to get cloudy. It's a wormwood, it's fine. Yeah. That's the wormwood. Yeah. Uh, it's poison. Yeah. If I'm, like, the regular mylo is probably like a 0.75 for me. You know, I'll drink it when I'm four two as a gag. Yeah. You know? Um, and this one is maybe like a 1, 2, 5.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker:But really just because of that beginning, like it's like. At the beginning, you're like, I guess the barrel rounds it out, and then it's just like, Nope. Fuck you. Yep. Oh, this is my Lord. Don't forget. And it reminds you right after that the second drink was buried in the first drink. Yeah. Yeah. But it's still not good. No, it's not good. No. My tongue is actually really dry and it feels like sandpaper. Yeah. I'd, so I don't get that from any other alcohol. You know how they have except for isopropyl, how they, which is very cheap at Walgreens. Yeah. And Uncle Junior's shot. Yeah. You know how they have the, uh, the Taki challenge, the, the one chip challenge? Yeah. We had to like sit for 30 minutes. Yeah. I wonder if you could just like. There's, if there's like a mallor challenge where you drink like a, a, a shot of it or whatever there and you have there and just nothing else for like 15 minutes and just deal with it. Yeah. That's, that's tough. Yeah, it's tough. Yeah. So what about other, like, I mean, this is pretty regional, right? So I don't need to get like Na, national Distro. I don't. They might, I don't know. I just think it was recently brought to Kentucky, like in the last three to five years. Yeah. Yeah. You're probably right. I mean, it's a novelty for all of it's purposes, so, so, so what other like novelties or like regional drinks or like this, like already made? Not, not a, not a mixed cocktail or something, but, right. What do you think? Any other ones we can think of? Nobody that. Embraces it. Like,
Speaker 2:yeah,
Speaker:malort. They, they know that they're the butt of the joke, and then they, they embrace that and honestly, kudos to them. It's hilarious. I guess I mean, more though, like if you travel to Wisconsin, right? Like what's their drink they're trying to get you with in the bar? Like, like once you try, you know what I mean? Yeah. Because if you go to Chicago, it's like. You want some Mylo? I'm like, no, I've had it before. No, I'm good. I don't think it's gonna be like a produced beverage. I think it's gonna be like the, the sour toe cocktail up in Colorado. Yeah. Or something like Alaska or whatever it was. Yeah, wherever it was. Yeah. I think. Wisconsin's too close to Chicago. She shit, beer, whatever. Yeah, I've that. I've had that. It's really good. Don't worry. I can't tell if you're telling me this. No, I've had it. I've had it. Yeah. It's not good. I'm having trouble talking. My tongue is like, yeah, yeah. Somethings part my Lord. You know what you should do is drink that old fashioned that I made with that. Never said to High Bourbon. That's pretty good. Damnit. Yeah. Never say die bourbon. Is 1000% better than mall? Lord, that's all we need to say. No, no. It's 10000% better than the Lord. It's 10000%. I don't know how high percentages can go, but uh, these guys, you can find them at a liquor store near you. And if it's ever between this and Mallor, well you won't be sorry for there's not choice. Just never say that. Never say that. I appreciate those guys. This are sponsors, so thank you guys. So I'm trying to think though, like, you know, regional drinks, even, even ones they're not trying to get you with, but like in Chicago Mall Lord's in every bar. Yeah, I think Mallor Fett. And then Underberg Underberg. Every bar in Chicago we ever went. Even beer bars, they're all there. Yeah, in in Kentucky though. Think about that. So what do you think sitting on even the dive bars here in town, like what's, what's behind the bar? Like see, in Kentucky it's gonna end up being some shitty bourbon, like Kentucky gentlemen or something like that. Old Crow. But even that's not horrible. I mean, really, it's not like this. No. Like this is actually bad. Like, like if you, if you go to, you know, a, a dive bar here in town, it's like a shot and a beer for, I don't know how much it is now, five bucks. Right? You get a Miller High Life. Okay. Yeah. And you get a shot Kentucky gentleman and like, yeah, I'm for that. I would drink that. You Well, the thing is, is that like, that, is that like, it might have. It might be unrefined. Yeah. And it might have some burn. Sure. But it doesn't have like a weird flavor thing that you are like, oh God, what am I trying to do? You know? It doesn't make my tongue feel like it's shedding its skin. Yes. Yeah. And so that's the difference I think, is that that's why Mallor sort of stands out and I think like. On TikTok. I know we, I'll watch a lot of this stuff and I'll see, like guys, they'll, they basically, well, have you seen these videos where they pour drinks? I think you may. I have another, may I have another? Oh. But they have to not throw up while they're doing it, you know, like, so yeah, they've embraced it, but I don't really know if there are many. There's probably a handful of. Drinks. I think we could, could come up with one. I think we could come up with something that beats more. Oh, well here's what makes me worry about this Mallor though. Like this is 70 proof. Mm-hmm. What would it taste like at 50 proof? What would it taste like at a hundred proof? Right. The same. I don't know. I think, I think it'd change. I mean, think about, think about Bour just as caustic Kentucky gentleman, we would probably all agree is probably the most bottom shelf pour you can have right now. Sure. Yeah. But it's 80 proof. Yeah, like I mean, you put that much water in a bourbon. I mean, I could drink it probably just like dark water. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah, exactly. Like I don't care how it tastes. Put a little splash of coke. I'm good. Yeah. But it's, again, like I said, it's still bourbon. This is got weird ingredients in it that makes it something anomalous. Are there any malort cocktails? Oh, I'm sure there are actually. I'm sure I looked them up. And I thought about making one, but I was like, there's no fucking way. I'm trying to find ways to drink more mylo. Thank you, Matt. But are there also like super obscure ingredients too? Like, Hey, whatever the fuck this is. Yeah. Mixed with whatever the fuck you can find in the, you know, there's your, I feel like there's a good chance that like no matter what cocktail you make and considering the ingredients in this. Something's gonna accidentally end up becoming poisonous. Yeah. You know what I'd like to have? I'd like to go to a normal Well, that too not, not that. No, no. I'd like to go to mic Michelin Star restaurant. Yeah. And have them pair mm-hmm. Courses with the Lord. Yeah. What can they do? You know what? Maybe not even a pour, just like. Hey, this, this is this part of malort, this is this, this is this. You know, you know what? I think we're being critical of the malort right now. We are. We absolutely are. Yes. Well, we, we've only had a neck pour. Yeah, we should go. We should. Well, I go a little bit. I think you should try it first. I've had so much bourbon, drew. I understand it. I think this is, this is actually where the sediment starts since right here. So I just, we just cleared out the clear beverage. I just understand alcohol more than Drew. I want him to actually benefit from this experience. So, go ahead, drew. Well, what you said actually reminds me of Buckfast. Bucky. Yeah. They had, they got some like high-end chefs that are. Pairing it with some other dishes. It's, it's kind of cool. Um, no, honestly, though, if you took the ingredients and let's say there's, I don't know how many ingredients there are, there's a lot, but too many. If you took those, this course has this, this, and this. Yeah. This course has this, this, and I mean, just, I'd be pretty cool. I'm gonna find it might be, it might not be. I mean, I think, I think a mis, you know, a really nice restaurant could do it. Yeah. I wouldn't say pair it with a pour of this, but no, hey, this is a malort dinner. Everybody like, I ain't going to that. But then you say. This just has wormwood in it. Whatever. I don't know what it is. I could see a scenario like licoricey kind. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure they could make something good outta that. Yeah. Yeah. I could see a scenario where somebody actually cooked with this. Yeah. And maybe use some of those bitter flavors to compliment something else. Like putting chili just an over overpowering, can you, could you burn it off? People are eating sugar. They're like, yeah. I tagging. I don't know if you can burn that flavor off. Maybe. I don't think you can. I don't think you can. I mean, I don't know. It's, let's try it. Let's go upstairs to your kitchen and shots. You got got any flame? Anybody got any flames down here? Waters, whatever. Yeah. Um, I think the consensus is it's better than regular mallor. Yeah, but not by much. No. Is that what we're going with? Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's one of those things like, it's still a novelty, but it is bare than like, what's the price? This, you remember? I think it was like 50 bucks. 50. I think it was like 50 bucks. Yeah. I don't actually remember what's, what's regular mallor? 20, $30. $20, something like that. Well, the good news is I think it's 30, regular is like 30. I think the good news is you'll pass this down to Findley in your fucking will. No. No, it'll be your great. Be great grand. I know. I'll get this one. Yeah. See how many generations this can actually go, and it's like that fucking sediment is still suspended. That's actually really impressive. Is this what they mean by generational wealth when you Yeah. Yeah. I think that's generational death. It's just gonna keep going. So yeah. Fuck it. We did the barrel aged malort for more arsenic culture. You can check us out on all the socials. We are @arsenicculture. Like us. Subscribe on YouTube. See you on the next one. Don't drink malort.